Testimony: Resurrection Sighting #1: Strength

Being the Easter season I wanted to offer a platform for readers of Desire Mercy to share testimonies of what God is doing in their lives.   If you would like to submit one I will be happy to share it here.   The bible says we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11) and I believe that by sharing with others how God is resurrecting new life in us, in our relationships, in our faith, etc., that we are bringing Him glory and we are bringing hope to someone struggling.    So feel free to share!   Send your testimony to me at cjwh74@gmail.com and I will post it anonymously unless you state otherwise.

Be blessed today by this testimony of STRENGTH in the midst of an affair…

STRENGTH

The one thing I always said I would never be able to handle would be my husband stepping out on me. I had seen this happen over and over again as a child. My mother would catch my step-father in a lie. The screaming and yelling would ensue then the sadness would set in and my mother always seemed to be up to something. She was always looking for ways to get back at him to the point of inviting strange men to our house when he was away at work. It was a vicious cycle of betrayal and hurt. There was always drama and I in no way wanted to have anything to do with that kind of life.

It seemed I had dodged that bullet. I married a good guy but he had also come from a very broken past. We both had so many broken people in our lives that we could judge and say we would never be like. I really believed he was not capable of hurting me in that way. Then one day in late November he called and asked me to come home from work early. I walked into my home to a man that did not even look like my husband of 16 years. He was a mess. I actually asked him if he needed to go to the hospital. He proceeded to tell me what he had done. I honestly do not remember much. I know I did not cry. I actually did not cry for days. I was in shock.

I remember taking a bath that night and thinking “Why are you not crying? Are you going to crack up and end up in the hospital? Are you going to leave? What are you going to do?” It was then that I heard the Spirit say to me “ I have had your heart in my hand your whole life.” Then I remembered walking to the church across the street when I was 4 years old. I would get up and get ready all by myself and my mom would watch me cross the street for Sunday School.  I found such strength at that moment, remembering that Jesus was truly the lover of my soul. I did not need a man to be my strength. Jesus really was enough.

The story does not end here of course. Once I decided that I had a choice and I was going to stay in my marriage the hard work had to begin. But, the key here is that it was my CHOICE to stay not my necessity out of my situation or my Christian duty as a wife. Because Jesus showed up and met me right in the beginning of my pain I knew I had something way bigger than me that was going to give me the strength I needed and he would  walk beside me the whole way just as he had always done.  Recently an amazing Hillsongs worship song came out with these lovely lyrics:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

carrying me through the storm

He has never let me down and He will not start now. He gave me the strength to handle my childhood and all the storms in my life. I know He has never forgotten me.

It is now 5 months later. My husband is going to therapy weekly and we attend couples therapy every other week now. It has been an up and down journey for sure. We have good day s and some really difficult moments but we have each other’s best intentions at heart. We are relearning how to be intimate and healthy. We are far from the end of this journey but the road is less bumpy and the footsteps in the sand are clearly marked by a BIG gracious God that has a beautiful plan for our lives and continues to give us a strength neither one of us were aware of before.

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