*My wife and I created this website to help men and women find freedom from sexual sin, grow in holiness, and find hope and healing for their broken marriages. The following post is not meant to be offensive or attention-seeking, but to address a very real issue affecting countless individuals (and their loved ones) which is talked about so little. In my experience, men need to hear the following, and I thank God for His mercy in my life, and His grace, apart from which the freedom I now know, and you can know as well, would be impossible. The following testimony and advice is for those men and women who suspect (or know) they have an addiction and are seeking a way out.
You can be completely set free from the sin of self-gratification. From this day forward, it never has to be part of your life again. Imagine that! Complete freedom from being a slave to your desires!
I’ve had many conversations with men who for years have been trapped in bondage to sexual addiction, like I was, who break down in tears when I tell them I have been free from self-gratification for over 2 years along with the lustful thoughts which once consumed my thinking. Weeping, they tell me what I know all too well because I was once in their shoes:
Nobody ever told me I could be free from this.
My motivation for telling you something so personal is because there are millions of people who think that freedom is impossible. They believe the lies of this world which suggest such things as “boys will be boys” or “you just have to when the urge hits” or “if you don’t you’ll go crazy” and on and on they go. And who can blame them? By nature we love to hear anything which will affirm the desires of the flesh and no one is saying any differently. I was 37 years old, a dead-beat dad, soon-to-be divorced husband and washed-out pastor before reading for the first time in my life the following:
A man will never have a pure heart as long as he equivocates about the sinfulness of lust and/or masturbation. He must decide once and for all that both are wrong in God’s eyes. If he is indecisive on this point, he will never have the courage to win the battle that lies before him. His constant waffling will weaken any resolve to do the hard thing.
Likewise, the one who is looking for the path of least resistance in life will also lack the determination to fight for a pure life. Purity and godliness do not mean enough to him to warrant the effort. When convicted over his sinful thoughts and actions, he will find ways to excuse, blame-shift or otherwise justify continuing to live in his sin.
~ Steve Gallagher, “At The Altar of Sexual Idolatry” pg. 37
Why hadn’t anyone ever told me that before??? The truth Gallagher speaks is drowned out by the sort of “advice” I came upon from so-called Christian author John Shore, who attempts to steer his readers away from pornography not (and this is important) because it is sin and offends God but because it’s bad business. Our motivation for giving up porn is not, Shore argues, because we wish to be holy but because, as decent people, we don’t want to support an industry that exploits women (that pornography exploits women is of course true, but not the whole truth). But listen to what he says about self-gratification:
Again: you will masturbate. Don’t even bother trying not to…So, inside the sanctity of your imagination, give yourself permission to have at it. Go wild, big guy. Doing that is your private business, and your right.
Dear reader, if you are struggling with sexual sin, run far away from such worldly advice as this. If you want freedom the first thing you must recognize is that you are a slave to your flesh, and taking matters into your own hands will forever keep you in the bondage you already know is real. If that is a “right” you wish to defend, you will forever be a slave to the wrong thing.
In my personal experience as well as that of many men whose stories I’ve had the honor of hearing, the common denominator in their inability to find lasting freedom from sexual addiction is their unwillingness to accept what Steve Gallagher says in the quote above. Time and time again I hear stories from men who found freedom from pornography use for a period of time, but because they never closed the door on masturbation, the old habits eventually came back….and usually with a vengeance. St. Paul writes,
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires (Rom. 13:14).
And St. Peter reminds us that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). If you find freedom elusive or impossible I would wager it’s because you are leaving the door cracked open, giving provision for your flesh, by self-gratification. So long as you do this you will never find the freedom you long for and of which the world needs to hear more about. Jesus did not die on the cross so that you and I can remain slaves to our fleshly desires. Boys may be boys, but isn’t it time to grow up and be a man?
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free! (John 8:36).
For more on this topic, see: